Stand for nothing and you’ll fall for anything.

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Mark 16:15 Most of us know it well it says, “He said to them, go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”

However sometimes I feel like we as Christians forget that our home town, our own family is part of that “all the world” Or we sometimes think that verse is reallllllllly only for “missionaries.”  Those Christians that God calls to other countries. That’s not true though, this command was made to all Christians in all parts of the world. Wherever you are in the moment is where you should be sharing the gospel. Someone once explained it as, ” Every day you go. You’re always going somewhere. So go. And as you’re going preach the gospel.”

So now you can pretty much guess what God’s been teaching me all week. That I need to share the gospel, but He went a bit further. He wants me to share it fearlessly. All week He’s been putting scripture and stories in my head on being fearless for Him and doing whatever it takes to share the gospel.

He reminded me of my friend Kevin. Kevin isn’t afraid to share the gospel and he’s always ready. Whether he’s in India running down a dirt road after a man on a motor cycle telling him, “Come back sir! Come back! You need to hear this! Jesus loves you!!!!” or riding his bike through a city in Kentucky trying to find drug lords and witness to them. He has crazy faith and it’s exciting, it’s bold, it’s fearless. And yes, I understand Jesus may not be calling YOU to go chase down a drug lord… Point is, who is He asking you to tell and are you doing it with everything in you, full of passion and excitement to see lives changed. Or are you sitting back waiting for someone else to do it?

Don’t get me wrong, sharing the gospel isn’t always easy or fun per say. God may ask you to share with someone it’s really hard to talk to or someone you’ve never even talked to before. I’m not writing this to say I always share fearlessly and boldly either. I’m just writing because it’s what God’s been challenging me with and it’s something I needed to learn and work on. With that, when God gives you a challenge and you accept it, be ready to fight. But never be afraid of the fight,He always prepares you for it before sending you into battle.

I’m not going to put the whole passage in this post but beginning of the week, God gives me Ephesians 6. The armor of God -i encourage you to read the whole chapter- It never gets old because you always need to be reminded to keep it on. However the part that stood out to me this time I read it was, 6:19, “and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel,” –To make known with boldness.– Even though this part was the part God wanted me personally to get because He’s trying to make me fearless, the only way you can share boldly is if you have your full armor on and you’re ready to go. You know the word, you know God’s voice, and you have faith that He’s got your back. As the week progressed I had a doctors appointment, I’ve been having some issues and test done and as I was on my way to to this appointment God was continually talking to me about sharing the gospel fearlessly. He said to me, “Kayla, It’s not going to happen. But, what if you went to this appointment and they told you there was something wrong and that you didn’t have long to live? How would that affect your life?” I immediately said, “Well I would be running around telling everyone and anyone about you! As many as I could before I died.” He said to me, “Bingo. But why is that your mentality? We should you only be able to do that if you don’t think you have long to live. You should share that fearlessly day to day with everyone and anyone.” Maaaaaaan. Did that hurt like a knife in my gut. But it’s so true! I should live every single day like it’s my last, because it could be! So I apologized and I accepted His challenge and asked Him to give me opportunity to share fearlessly the gospel!!! As I said earlier, when you accept the challenge, be ready to fight!

Boy did He ever give me an opportunity. I got a text last night from my cousin questioning whether or I not I told her daughter that buddha wasn’t real.. Easy answer? Of course I didn’t tell her that. Is that what I did? No. I followed God’s lead and I took this opportunity to fearlessly share. I’ve been looking for the right opportunity for four years for a door to open to be able to share with her. I’ve been sharing with her daughter about who Jesus is for those four years and got my opportunity to plant a seed in her mom last night. I believe God was preparing me all week for that moment. I believe He wants to do great things in both of their lives and I believe that my many prayers are going to start being answered! That was the push I needed though to realize just how important it is to be fearless! People’s lives are on the line and I can’t sit back and watch them suffer. It’s time for us to do something. It’s time for us as Christians to stand up and be bold. To take what we know and be passionate about it! This world is hurting, OUR country is hurting, OUR families are hurting. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit back and watch it happen, say “somebody else will do something?” Or are you going to obey that nudge inside of you when God pushes you to share? Are you going to proclaim fearlessly the gospel of Jesus Christ?

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” – Alex Hamilton

Why even bother?

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What do you do when God tells you to speak truth into someones life and you obey Him but they don’t accept what you                                 have to say? Maybe because they don’t believe you or they simply don’t want to change.                             This is what God’s dealing with me lately.

This post may not be as long as some others in the past but it’s something I feel like God wanted me to share as an encouragement to others who are fighting a similair fight.

You can’t save everyone. You simply cannot make everyone listen to the truth or the news you have. You can’t force them to change. What you CAN do is simply obey. Obey what God tells YOU to do. Follow His instructions and let it be.

For me personally I feel like this is one of Gods many lessons He’s been giving me over the last several months in preparation for my next step. There are going to be times when I’m so frustrated because I can see the whole picture, I see the path these people I’m trying to talk to are heading down, I know what a relationship with God looks like and how awesome it is, and I know the truth He has for them! But there are going to be times that some people just don’t want to except it. I know myself, and I know in those moments, I’m going to want to scream and I will be tempted to get frustrated with what seems like a useless prosess! “If people aren’t going to listen to me God then why are you telling me to talk to them?!?! Why am I even here?”

But God is teaching me in this very moment that I personally can’t make people listen. I can only do what I feel like He is telling me to do and if they accept it, great! If not, as long as I did what He said to do and He’s given me no further instruction to do anything else, then I have to let it go and let Him handle it from there. Sometimes you’re not going to see the fruit harvested by the seed you planted but you have to know that if you trusted and obeyed what you were told to do that God is going to do His part.

All in all don’t get discouraged when it seems that people don’t care about what you have to say. Keep speaking the truth that God has placed in your heart and trust that He’s going to complete His work. And never give up on praying for the people God has placed in your path!

It’s okay to not be perfect.

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What is a Christian supposed to look like?

How are they supposed to act?

Who do you think is a model Christian? A pastor, a missionary, an elder? Why?

In todays world I believe we as the church and even people in the world put those in such postions and leadership roles on a pedestal and think of them as what we need to become, what we need to strive to be like. When in reality that’s not the truth. The truth is that we need to strive for relationship with Jesus himself and becoming like Him. We may feel that leaders in the church have a more intimate relationship with God and that may be true, but it’s not because of their position. It’s because of their willingness to give Him their all and to seek Him with all of their heart. The same intimacy is open for every person on this earth.

Just because I’ve travled around the world doesn’t make me any more of a Christian, it doesn’t mean that I can pray “better”, or that I have a “direct line” to God. (I mean I do! But you do too! He hears your voice just as clear as He hears mine.)

So back to what is a Christian supposed to look like? While yes, I definitely look up to my pastor, elders, and leaders in my church as role models. Sometimes I believe a model Christian can be the most least likely suspect. Someone who’s still brand new to the whole thing. Sometimes with being a Christian basically your whole life and being raised in church, you don’t think about things the same way as someone who didn’t accept Christ until later on. But, one of my role models in life is this least likely suspect.

Over the last two years I have grown extremely close to this person and she’s now one of my best friends! But this wasn’t always the case. When I first met her I thought she was incredibly loud, didn’t like to follow ANY rules, and quite frankly she terrified me! As the months passed, I began to find out more about her story and her past,I watched her accept Jesus into her heart, I watched her grow in her relationship with Him, I watched as God miraculously brought two completely different people together at two completely different stages of their walk with Him and turn them into best friends and exactly what eachother needed.

What I love most about this girl is the pure fact that she does mess up, she doesn’t know all of the answers, she doesn’t “play” Christian, she is one. She’s real, she’s raw, she’s vulnerable, and she’s inocent in her faith. We make it a point (most weeks) to call each other once a week and talk about what’s going on in each others lives and to pray for on another. I can’t tell you the amount of times that she hasn’t wanted to call because she doesn’t want to tell me that she’s messed up. Again. Because she knows I’m going to speak truth into her life and she doesn’t wanna hear it. Inevitably though God tugs at her heart and she makes things right with Him and she calls and we talk it out and we encourage one another.  But even more than the times she hasn’t wanted to call are the times she did call. The times I’ve heard her tell me the greatest things that God’s talking to her about. Hearing the way that God relates to her and loves on her. Being there every step of this journey and watching every week as her love for Him grows deeper and their relastionship grows stronger. Seeing how every week, every day, He reveals Himself to her in new ways and she transitions from the newborn stage to the toddler stage. Learning more about the right choices and wrong choices. What to do when you mess up and how to handle correction and authority. And I can’t express how proud I am of this young lady for how far she has come and where she is going. Knowing who she was and where she came from but now knowing who she is and where she’s headed is amazing. God knew what He was doing when He put her in my life but then again, doesn’t He always know what He’s doing if we allow Him to do it.

I can’t tell you how many times God has spoken to me through her and how much of an encouragement she has been in my life. On top of that, how much of a conviction I’ve had from her too. The pure excitement she gets in finding out more about God and reading her Bible should be something every Christian has every day. She’s brought such a freshness to my relationship with God and has made me excited to re-learn Bible stories and look at them from a new perspective.

This is why she’s one of my role models. Because she’s not perfect, she doesn’t appear to be perfect, she doesn’t try to look perfect. She’s just who she is and that’s good enough. She admits that she has a past and that she struggles with it and it may sneak up on her and knock her down but it doesn’t keep her there. Her relationship with God is real. It’s open. It’s vulnerable. She tells Him when she’s mad at Him, I think that’s another one of my favorite things about her is that their relationship is so purely raw and as is. She’s just real and really I believe that’s all God expects of us. To be real with Him. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect, He just expects us to love and obey Him. To trust that He’s got it. To know deep down that He’s got it and He’s all we need. Sure we’ll mess up. Sure we’ll fall into the old habbits. We’re human. But the closer we get to Him the easier it will become to not want to do those things. He already knows your heart. He just wants you to want Him to know. To build that relationship and to be vulnerable. That’s the first step, to admit that you’re not perfect and to accept that He loves you anyway and forgives you. Because He always will.

When death stares you in the eye.

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Where do you turn when the spirit of death floods your mind? When you’re faced with circumstances that should terrify you, who do you call on? Over the last week I’ve been dealing with this. I took a road trip recently and as I was making my journey home, everything was going well. I had chosen a more scenic route and was traveling several back road highways.

As I was making my way through a small farm town there was a corn field on both sides of me, when out of NO WHERE a single man plane flies straight out of the corn field about two feet in front of my car, at car level. Had I been two maybe three seconds ahead of where I was that plane would have taken me out! It all happened so fast I didn’t even stop or slow down. Because it was so ridiculous I just kind of laughed it off and kept driving. About an hour later though I had stopped to get gas and called my mom and told her what had happened. It was after I hung up with her that I began to process the fact that I could have indeed died or been seriously injured. I began really thanking God for protecting me and guiding me! I truly looked at it for the miracle it really was. I continued my journey home and the rest of the trip was good and safe. I didn’t dwell on the fact that I could have died but I did continue to thank God for His protection. All was well and I got in my bed after the long journey and went to sleep.

When 6 o’clock Saturday morning I jumped and awoke in terror. This was the setting of the dream I was having,

I pulled into a restaurant parking lot, got out of my car and there was a death note taped to my back windshield… I said “what in the world is that?!” My mom said “DONT TOUCH IT! ” Then as she said it a guy dressed in all black with a mask grabs my pony tail and covers my mouth and says “you’re going to die” 

I woke up feeling paniced and imediately started talking to God, asking Him to take away all of the feelings of terror, the demonic presence I felt, and the picture that was in my mind. Because every time I closed my eyes I could still see it. I sat up and was playing Christian music and just talking to God and asking Him why these thoughts were in my mind? And when God needs to be blount with you He will be and it hurts sometimes. He said, “Well, I’ve been telling you to stay incredibly close to me and to surround yourself in my love and this stuff won’t come into your mind.” –Now this isn’t saying that I haven’t been seeking Him or spending time with Him. I have been and His name was the first thing I shouted when I woke up. But His point was that it’s not enough. The devil is fighting me hard right now. He knows God’s calling me to do great things and he doesn’t like it. God was reminding me that I have to stay 100% grounded in Him at ALL times and to not let my guard down.— 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. And he’s not going to devour me. After I got my fatherly lecture He gently reminded me “But I will always be with you and protect you no matter what, so go back to sleep and finish the dream.”

So I fall back to sleep and the dream continues on….

 I punched the guy and said you can’t mess with me! Then a whole team of people dressed in black with masks came out from behind cars with guns! And then God came down from Heaven and said you won’t touch her! They all dropped their guns and bowed down to Him and took off their mask. Then I stood up on a box in the middle of the parking lot opened my Bible and started sharing the gospel!!! Soon there was a parking lot full of all kinds of people and they all accepted Jesus and started worshiping!!!!!

What started as a dream aimed for death God turned into one of the greatest dreams I’ve ever had. It was a great assurance and reminder that no matter what He’s got my back but a warning that the enemy is after me and the only way to block him is by making sure there’s not even a pin hole in my relationship with God!!

As my day went on Saturday things were going normal, went into town, took my niece out for lunch. As I was driving back home, a guy going the opposite direction decides he wants to pass all 6 cars in his lane and comes flying down my lane directly at me! There was no where I could go and the only thing I could do was slam on my breaks, sit still in my lane, and hope that he got back over into his lane before he hit me head on. Thankfully he did and I’m not a person of road rage so I again, thanked God for protecting me and didn’t even make eye contact with the guy in the other lane. I let it go and went about my ride home.

I thought to myself though, “This is crazy! First the plane, then the dream, now this. You’re not going to win devil” I got home and I began to fill my mind with things of God. I put on sermon by Joyce Meyer on spiritual warfare and it was everything I needed to hear. A few of the main points that stuck out to me and that I hope will help you too if you are or ever deal with these feelings are:

  • Jesus more than anything sought, needed, and wanted the presence of God His father.
  • God just doesn’t want to hear from you when you’re desperate and you need something. If you want to have power over the devil then you need to start hanging out with God just because He’s the best person to hang out with.
  • I will put on Christ! I will put on love! I will go out into the world and I will make a difference and God will take care of me!
  • It’s not miraculous things that are going to keep you strong in God and walking the walk. It’s knowing Him! Knowing His character and loving Him with your whole heart!

The devil is going to fight me. He’s going to fight you. But how are you going to handle it? The only way to stand up to him is to stand firm in God. Don’t let those lies into your mind, but if they do come in are you going to wallow in them and let them bring you down? Or is your relationship with God so tight that you know how to fight the enemy?

When death stares you in the eye, what will your reaction be?

One final thing God brought into my mind and has been in mind since is a song titled “Good good father.” I’ll attatch the link below along with the links to the two part sermon by Joyce Meyer.

I encourage you to take a listen to both and to make sure your relationship with God is where it needs to be. Not just that you know Him and that you talk to Him on the regular. But that you KNOW Him, that you are actively setting aside you and Him time and that not a minute goes by where you’re not hearing from Him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKvCpAFcjI8 -Good good father

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0yb3zdKeZk -Joyce Meyer part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IQw0lWL-Io -Joyce Meyer part 2

Are you too busy for God?

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“Don’t become so busy working for God that you forget to worship Him.”

Wise words spoken by one of my favorite pastors a few months ago but it’s been on my mind here a lot lately. This time last year I was in a place where God was all I had. I didn’t have the comforts of home, I didn’t know what my day was going to hold, I had reached a place where He’s all I cared about and what He wanted, I wanted. I was at a place where I was more in love with Him than anything. He was all I needed. He was all I longed for. When I woke up we talked, when I went bed we talked, all day long we talked. I used to tell people all the time how easy it was to have that wonderful relationship with God. To be in love with Him. But I have failed. Every day since being home from an environment where it’s so easy to depend on God for everything, I’ve gotten distracted. Our relationship was still good for a while, I still made effort in making Him total priority. Quickly though, I was whisked away into everyday life. Wake up, go to work, come home, get on pinterest, text my friends, go to bed, repeat. Help in Sunday school, help in Children’s church, teach on occasion, do Good news club, write JC Game lessons, work JC games. Give to people in need, be someones shoulder, work, work, work for Jesus. I was doing things He wanted me to do but I stopped noticing Him pursuing me. I stopped pursuing Him with my whole heart.  Now, we still went on the occasional date, but mostly they were times when I needed an answer about something, or I was so stressed out and needed to get away with Him. He still accepted me in those times and He loved me, and He was everything I needed but I wasn’t giving Him the attention He deserved.

Over the last couple months, He’s been dropping hints to me that He wants me back. That He wants to be my everything again. He wants to whisk me away and show me His love in crazy new ways. I’ve been hearing Him and I’ve been wanting it and longing for that close relationship back also but I’ve been to busy to pursue it. And that’s not ok! Now most of the time when you hear of someone backsliding you don’t picture the person who’s always in church, front row, worshipping, helping in all areas, moving to another country as a missionary right? You think, skipping church, not talking to anyone from church, shutting God out, and going their own way. In reality though when you spend more time working for God than you do pursuing Him as hard as He’s pursing you and you stop worshiping Him ALL. DAY. that’s also backsliding. Because what God wants more than your work is your worship. Even if He has called you to serve in the areas you’re serving in He wants your relationship with Him to always come before that. Because how can you most effectively serve in those areas unless you’re in constant communication with Him and you and Him are always on the same page?

Now don’t get me wrong, He’s still the first person I go to when I make a descision, I do talk to Him every single day, we still have a solid relationship right now. It’s just not where it needs to be. I’ve started to put other things above our time together and that’s when it becomes not ok. I used to spend at least a solid hour completely alone with Him every.single.day. and in addition to that we went on a date every week and just did something fun together. I heard His voice constantly because we were inseperable and I want that back. Maybe this is your life too or maybe you’ve never been close to God in that way. Maybe it’s time to go on that very first date with Him or maybe it’s time to renew your vows. To remember how it felt that first time you heard his voice, the first time He held you and comforted you. Don’t become so busy working for God that you forget to worship Him. Let Him have all of you and make time for your relationship. It’s the most important relationship you’ll ever have. But even when you mess up, He’s always going to be there pursuing you, calling you back into His arms.

“I believe that He loves you where you are
I believe that you’ve seen the hands of God
I believe that you’ll know it when
You’re back in His arms again
I believe that He never let you go
I believe that He’s wanting you to know
I believe that He’ll lead you ’til you’re back in His arms again”

-Mark Schultz; back in His arms

Consider it pure joy to suffer.

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Acts 9:16 – “I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”

Romans 5:1-6 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

James 1:2-4- Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

1 Peter 1:6-9- In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

“Rejoice in my suffering God? Are you crazy?”

What about when that relationship I’ve tried so hard to build, that I’ve prayed so hard for. It’s taken and it’s crushed. It’s torn to pieces and I have to start from scratch.

What about when I’m lonely? When I feel like no one understands what I’m going through, when what I really want is a friend. A friend I can call when I’m having a bad day, a friend who will make me laugh and encourage me.

What about when I think I finally found that friend and that’s taken from me too?

What about when my doctor calls me and gives me news I don’t want to hear. News that could possibly affect eveything I know you’ve called me to do? What then God?

What about when I feel like I am fighting so hard to follow you. I am doing every single thing that you have asked of me. You are my top priority. Yet, the more I fight to be who you’ve called me to be the more it seems that my world is slowly crashing around me. What is that about God?

In my pain and in my crying, in my hurt and grief. As I sat on my porch yelling out to Him. He answered and said “My daughter. I see you and I am with you. When you have done all you can do to stand. Stand firm in the truth you know.” Which then reminded me of the verses in the Bible about putting on the full armor of God. (Ephesians 6:10-20) It basically says when you have done everything you know to do and you’ve done all you can do to stand. Stand firm in your armor. Keep following the truth you know and keep your armor on at ALL times. Never let it get rusty.

I felt better. But I still wasn’t ok. I woke up this morning and God said “You need to go to big church today.” Some things happened and the devil tried to convince me I didn’t need to go. “The sermon is on salvation, you know that stuff.” “They really need you in children’s church today.” “You can’t stand up for yourself. You wont ask if it’s ok to leave and go over.” All to which I replied, “Shut up devil. God told me that’s where I need to go and by golly I’m going.”

I walked in crying, uncertain of what I needed to hear. I am saved. I have a relationship with God. I’m fighting for it! I’m already obeying Him. That’s why I’m in here! But, I’m also broken and worn and I know God’s got something for me.

As I sat there listening, God began to speak. The message was on suffering for the Lord and that salvation is more than just saying you’re a Christian. It’s about denying yourself and acepting that there will be hard times and suffering. But, when you surrender your whole self to God, He’s got it. God had already been telling me that, and I believed it. But the sermon was the nail that drove that truth into my heart. We should rejoice in our suffering. Because as it says in Romans 5 “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  The suffering I am going through now is producing perseverance in me. Perseverance to push through and trust God! That perseverance is building my character, who I am as a person. What defines me and how I handle things. And character brings hope. Hope is what I can have in my next trial because I know I can get through it! 

How do I know I can get through it? Because looking back on my life, I can see where God has brought me through things before. One thing Pastor John said this morning is “You need to get so lost in God that you can’t see yourself anymore.” That really struck home for me because I’ve been saying for the last couple weeks, “I’m going through things right now that I have dealt with in the past except this time I’m going through it as a changed person.” I’m no longer who I used to be. I used to be someone who burried their hurt and pain. Who tried to fight it on their own. But now I’m completely emerged in Christ. I don’t recognize the person I once was. I can go through this battle in confidence and with pure joy because I know that with God, I AM going to overcome it.

Before church eneded our pastor said the words, ” I wish this could be a sermon where I could lay hands on you and pray for you. A sermon to encourage you! But I felt like I needed to share the full gopsel and it’s not all fun and easy.” For me though, this sermon was the exact encouragement I needed. Yeah, suffering stinks and it’s not fun! But I do consider it a pure honor to be able to suffer for Jesus! I find joy in that what I’m going through can bring Him glory and He’s gonna get me through it because He’s never failed me before.

So are you willing to suffer for Jesus? Or are you going to run from it? Try and hide from life and go your own way? I assure you although the latter option sounds better at first. Fighting for God and the truth is always worth so much more in the end.

Is Jesus really worth it?

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“So take me as you find me– All my fears and failures. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender. I surrender.”

It all started one night last year on the other side of the world. I had just experienced one of the greatest nights of my life! I walked into this mans home and my team began to tell him about Jesus. I listened as he argued back and forth with us about how he cannot believe that Jesus is the only God. I saw the fear in his eyes as he told us that everyone he knew would disown him if he did. I watched as this man couldn’t walk without a cane and even with the cane it was hard for him. I then saw the complete joy this man had on his face after we prayed for him and his leg was healed! The joy and the excitement when he dropped his cane and RAN down the street for the first time in two years. That moment when he runs back and my leader kneels down and washes his feet and tears stream from this mans eyes. The moment when he looked up and said “I want to accept Jesus as my only God.” And the story doesn’t stop there. He was then baptized right in the middle of his one room home with a water bottle.  This is a night I’ll never forget. My team was so excited! We had just seen a man healed, saved, and baptized all in one visit! I was on a spiritual high and the whole way back to our home for the night we sang worship songs. One being Mighty to save by Laura Story…. Which is where my blog post begins…..

I had felt called to missions for a while now and was sure that long term mission work was somewhere in my future and this night was definitely a highlight of why I wanted to do what I do! The exilerating feeling of telling somone about your savior and them accepting Him! Seeing someone healed! It’s incredible. I was for sure that I would do anything for Jesus. I mean I was already on the other side of the world for Him…  As we were all singing there was such a joyful spirit around us, I was happy and I was truly worshiping God but I was kind of singing absent mindedly. You know once you’ve sang a song and heard it a hundred times you just kind of sing it without really thinking about what you’re declaring. So I’m singing and singing when the line “I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender.” comes out of my mouth. In the exact moment that last word came out of my mouth God said to me, “But do you really?” I couldn’t answer Him. My life flashed before me. My plans, my family, my nieces… one that I hadn’t even met yet because she had been born in this time I was away and one that I’d spent the first two and a half years of her life with watching her everyday and had now already missed her 3rd birthday because I was following God’s call on my life. I thought about my kitty cat who I hadn’t cuddled with in 6 months. I thought about how much I hated eating rice everyday. I thought a lot about me… I wasn’t able to give God an answer for a couple days. I struggled with it. Was I really willing to give up my entire life to follow everything I believed in? Give up watching my nieces grow up?  Give up the comfort of my own home…. my bed…a bed…? Pottentially give up toilet paper? Was Jesus worth it? I know of course typical Christian answer, “YES!! Yes He is!!!” But think about it, what if Jesus asked you to give up all of the things that are most important to you. Completely abandon them and follow Him into the unknown. After deeply evaluating my life I did come to the conclusion that YES! Jesus is worth it all. He’s worth being uncomfortbale. He’s worth leaving everything I love because I love Him more. He’s worth being filled up to my eyeballs in rice!!! I decided that I surrendered. I surrendered my life to Him, He would take care of me. I surrendered my family to Him, He would take care of them. I told Him I accept. I will go anywhere…. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I didn’t know where He was going to call me to or for how long. I just had to trust Him.

Since this moment over a year ago (which is still crazy to think that it’s already been that long) God has brought me so far and has changed me so much. He’s pulled me out of my comfort zones and stretched me farther than I ever knew was possible. But, He never lets me forget my promise I made to Him. Everytime life gets hard or everytime He asks me to commit to a new challenge and I start to think about myself and things I’ll have to leave behind this song ALWAYS comes on the radio at the same exact moment or it will just pop into my head. He likes to work like that….

As most of you know God has in fact called me home for a year to spend time with my family, connect with people in my church, and serve in my own community. When I first arrived home in September of last year this was all I knew. God said go home for a year, do these things, and wait for me to tell you what’s next. So that’s exactly what I’ve been up to. At first I was asking Him,”well when are you going to tell me what’s next?” and He would say “Just trust me and do what I’ve called you to do now…”  After getting that answer a few times I decided to stop asking. I’ve had several people ask me “What’s next?” “What big adventures are coming up?” “What are you doing with your life?” “Are you going to get a ‘real job’ now?” To which I replied, “I’m just waiting on God.”

Well now I’m happy to announce that God has indeed at a very unexpected time told me details towards my next step. Nothing is set in stone yet so I’m really just teasing you with this post. But I am really really excited about being able to move forward towards my next adventure!!! And as soon as I can tell you guys I will! However I really wanted to post because I felt like this journey of total trust and surrender was something I needed to share and also I wanted to ask for your continued support in prayer as I’m making important decisions this year. It’s going to be a huge step and a leap of faith but I can’t wait.

I also really felt like I needed to share all of this to encourage you not to give up on whatever dreams God has placed inside of you. It’s not easy. Trust me, I know. There will be chalenges, hurdles, times of dissapointment.. But it’s so worth it. Give your life to follow everything you believe in. Jesus is worth it all!