“So take me as you find me– All my fears and failures. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender. I surrender.”
It all started one night last year on the other side of the world. I had just experienced one of the greatest nights of my life! I walked into this mans home and my team began to tell him about Jesus. I listened as he argued back and forth with us about how he cannot believe that Jesus is the only God. I saw the fear in his eyes as he told us that everyone he knew would disown him if he did. I watched as this man couldn’t walk without a cane and even with the cane it was hard for him. I then saw the complete joy this man had on his face after we prayed for him and his leg was healed! The joy and the excitement when he dropped his cane and RAN down the street for the first time in two years. That moment when he runs back and my leader kneels down and washes his feet and tears stream from this mans eyes. The moment when he looked up and said “I want to accept Jesus as my only God.” And the story doesn’t stop there. He was then baptized right in the middle of his one room home with a water bottle. This is a night I’ll never forget. My team was so excited! We had just seen a man healed, saved, and baptized all in one visit! I was on a spiritual high and the whole way back to our home for the night we sang worship songs. One being Mighty to save by Laura Story…. Which is where my blog post begins…..
I had felt called to missions for a while now and was sure that long term mission work was somewhere in my future and this night was definitely a highlight of why I wanted to do what I do! The exilerating feeling of telling somone about your savior and them accepting Him! Seeing someone healed! It’s incredible. I was for sure that I would do anything for Jesus. I mean I was already on the other side of the world for Him… As we were all singing there was such a joyful spirit around us, I was happy and I was truly worshiping God but I was kind of singing absent mindedly. You know once you’ve sang a song and heard it a hundred times you just kind of sing it without really thinking about what you’re declaring. So I’m singing and singing when the line “I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender.” comes out of my mouth. In the exact moment that last word came out of my mouth God said to me, “But do you really?” I couldn’t answer Him. My life flashed before me. My plans, my family, my nieces… one that I hadn’t even met yet because she had been born in this time I was away and one that I’d spent the first two and a half years of her life with watching her everyday and had now already missed her 3rd birthday because I was following God’s call on my life. I thought about my kitty cat who I hadn’t cuddled with in 6 months. I thought about how much I hated eating rice everyday. I thought a lot about me… I wasn’t able to give God an answer for a couple days. I struggled with it. Was I really willing to give up my entire life to follow everything I believed in? Give up watching my nieces grow up? Give up the comfort of my own home…. my bed…a bed…? Pottentially give up toilet paper? Was Jesus worth it? I know of course typical Christian answer, “YES!! Yes He is!!!” But think about it, what if Jesus asked you to give up all of the things that are most important to you. Completely abandon them and follow Him into the unknown. After deeply evaluating my life I did come to the conclusion that YES! Jesus is worth it all. He’s worth being uncomfortbale. He’s worth leaving everything I love because I love Him more. He’s worth being filled up to my eyeballs in rice!!! I decided that I surrendered. I surrendered my life to Him, He would take care of me. I surrendered my family to Him, He would take care of them. I told Him I accept. I will go anywhere…. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I didn’t know where He was going to call me to or for how long. I just had to trust Him.
Since this moment over a year ago (which is still crazy to think that it’s already been that long) God has brought me so far and has changed me so much. He’s pulled me out of my comfort zones and stretched me farther than I ever knew was possible. But, He never lets me forget my promise I made to Him. Everytime life gets hard or everytime He asks me to commit to a new challenge and I start to think about myself and things I’ll have to leave behind this song ALWAYS comes on the radio at the same exact moment or it will just pop into my head. He likes to work like that….
As most of you know God has in fact called me home for a year to spend time with my family, connect with people in my church, and serve in my own community. When I first arrived home in September of last year this was all I knew. God said go home for a year, do these things, and wait for me to tell you what’s next. So that’s exactly what I’ve been up to. At first I was asking Him,”well when are you going to tell me what’s next?” and He would say “Just trust me and do what I’ve called you to do now…” After getting that answer a few times I decided to stop asking. I’ve had several people ask me “What’s next?” “What big adventures are coming up?” “What are you doing with your life?” “Are you going to get a ‘real job’ now?” To which I replied, “I’m just waiting on God.”
Well now I’m happy to announce that God has indeed at a very unexpected time told me details towards my next step. Nothing is set in stone yet so I’m really just teasing you with this post. But I am really really excited about being able to move forward towards my next adventure!!! And as soon as I can tell you guys I will! However I really wanted to post because I felt like this journey of total trust and surrender was something I needed to share and also I wanted to ask for your continued support in prayer as I’m making important decisions this year. It’s going to be a huge step and a leap of faith but I can’t wait.
I also really felt like I needed to share all of this to encourage you not to give up on whatever dreams God has placed inside of you. It’s not easy. Trust me, I know. There will be chalenges, hurdles, times of dissapointment.. But it’s so worth it. Give your life to follow everything you believe in. Jesus is worth it all!